Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Do They Make Misfortune Cookies?

Why the local Chinese restaurant feels the need to include 2 fortune cookies (and no pepper--seriously, folks) with a single order of vegetable fried rice is flipping beyond me. But, as an eater of said cookies, I suppose I can't complain too much for getting an extra. Today's second cookie included 2 fortunes in it, which means for the price of an order of fried rice I got three times the fortune of a typical eater of Chinese foods. In America.

Did you know that fortune cookies are unique to the Western world? They were invented by Chinese immigrants in California. The cookie is actually a Japanese-style cookie. And yes, everything else you know or thought you knew is a lie.

Digression.

So these are my three fortunes:
  • A new relationship is about to blossom. You will be blessed.
  • A pleasant surprise is in store for you soon.
  • Do not dwell on differences with a loved one. Try to compromise.
So, if my interpretation of this is correct, either my now month-old marriage is about to end, or Abby's pregnant. Or the cookies are lying. Still, what the hell kind of fortune is that?

Of course, you can do the old "in bed" trick, in which case my trio of fortunes would seem to indicate a pending surprise threesome. Or you can do it xkcd-style and add "except in bed", which is just depressing for the first fortune, doesn't quit work for the second, and turns the third into a time-tested relationship maxim.

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Also, I have 18 winning Lotto numbers, if anyone is interested.

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