Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Open Letter From an Unborn Child to His (Her) Shrink

Found this transcript of a conversation between my future child and his or her psychiatrist:

DOCTOR: Tell me about your childhood.

OFFSPRING: It's like this, at some point before I was born, my mother started baking cupcakes. It turns out she was good at it, so she made them all the time. That didn't go so well with my father.

DOCTOR: Your father doesn't like cupcakes?

OFFSPRING: No, he likes them, but he really hates cleaning out muffin tins.

DOCTOR: And he always had to do the dishes?

OFFSPRING: Only for stuff that mom made. But since she was making cupcakes like every week, he was constantly washing the muffin tins. And he hated it, so he started making cupcakes so she would have to wash the muffin tins, you know, to give her a taste of her own medicine. Only it didn't work. So there was this ongoing war of baked goods in my house until I moved out when I was 18. Even then, there were always mountains of confections around when I'd come home to visit.

DOCTOR: And that's why you're heavy?

OFFSPRING: I would think so, yeah.

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PS - Abby, I don't actually feel this way about the muffin tins, I just thought it was funny. Love you (don't kill me). -K

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