Wednesday, April 15, 2009

An Open Letter to the Scattered Conservatives Re Cuba

Dear Conservatives:

You may have heard that President Obama is taking steps that may lead to normalized diplomatic relations with Cuba. This may alarm you, but before you immediately lash back, think of the positives. All those cigars you smoke will become legal, for instance. Furthermore, the sanctions we enacted to force the Communists out of power may very well have prevented Cuba from ever Democratizing, which means Obama may ultimately achieve what you've been trying for years (and failing) to achieve by way of the CIA and economic torture. Did I mention failure? Bay of Pigs? Failure. All those assassination attempts? Failure. Yeah, all that shit.

But don't get upset, trust us. The democratic process has resulted in the election of a leader who will actually do what you want, in spite of the fact that you don't believe he's an American citizen (doubly ironic when one considers that John McCain was born in Panama). Go back to bed, watch your American Idol, sing your patriotic songs, have some tea (too soon), and let the adults drive for a while.

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2 comments:

Ben said...

Ah, but Kurt, you forget: the whole point (and resultant effect) of that embargo was not to prevent people from enjoying Cuban cigars, but to make the Cuban cigars they enjoyed infinitely more fancy. Especially some 1,200 H. Upmann brand petit corona Cuban cigars delivered to the White House on the eve of the embargo.

Of course, in the interest of fairness, it's also worth mentioning that it was a Democrat who both ordered those cigars and signed the embargo into existence the morning after they arrived.

That same democrat oversaw the Bay of Pigs, but also in the interest of fairness he had only been president for 3 months. Certain balls had already been rolling at that point.

Kurt said...

Ben makes a valid point: it was not the Republicans who started the embargo or botched the BoP('s). That said, they are far more rabid about maintaining it, these days, ever since the GOP swallowed up the anti-Communism movement.