So Robert Zemeckis is working on a 3-D CGI version of Yellow Submarine, a movie that under no circumstances ever needs to be re-made.
Zemeckis, who apparently went to the George Lucas school of modern film-making, has decided that a classic acid-trip of a film by a group that is now, literally, half-dead, needs to get the same dead-eye treatment that he gave to beloved classics The Polar Express and A Christmas Carol. While it's good to see him branching away from holiday movies... Yellow Submarine? Really?
Abby is doubly traumatized, because she grew up watching the original cartoon, and she was a pretty big fan of the Muppets' take on A Christmas Carol. In short, she fears that Robert Zemeckis' goal is to go through her entire childhood and ruin it frame by frame. Over dinner the other night, we joked about what his next film should be, if his aim is truly to destroy her sense of nostalgia. I suggested The Neverending Story and Abby's little heart broke right into her sandwich.
She looked like I'd just eaten a puppy in front of her.
Of course, the scary thing about TNS is that it's ripe for updating, and the idea of remaking it in 3D CGI is just plausible enough to makes it all the more frightening to her.
So, Mr. Zemeckis, if you're reading this (...and I suspect that he is), my wife is a frighteningly vengeful woman, and your long-term life expectancy would benefit from never remaking The Neverending Story. And while we're making ultimatums, for me, keep your goddamn hands off The Princess Bride.