Friday, March 21, 2014

Friday Flash Fiction: UVB PSA By Tommy (Age 9)

This week, instead of Friday Flash Fiction, we present the following Public Service Announcement...

UVB PSA by Tommy (Age 9)
Word Count: 595

Skin cancer affects us all, because we all have skin. In a single year, 60,000 Americans will contract skin cancer, and another 9,000 of them will die of skin cancer. This is a problem, people.

The cause of the cancer is UVB rays. UVA and UVC are bad too, but they are less bad. UVB are a major cause of skin cancer, which can cause you painful surgery and will kill 9,000 of us in a single year if you’re American.

The UVB rays that did this are harmful and out to get you, so it’s important that you know what to do if you get skin cancer or are harmed by the cancer.

What To Do If You Get Skin Cancer

Skin cancer is bad. Don’t get skin cancer.

How To Avoid Getting Skin Cancer

Avoid UVB rays, because UVB rays are a major cause of skin cancer.

How To Avoid UVB Rays

Because the real problem here is UVB rays, it’s best to avoid them altogether, if you can. Try these easy steps:
  1. First, if you see a UVB ray coming down the street, cross and walk on the other side. Now, a lot of people may think this is rude, but I think it’s just good sense. You wouldn’t cross the street because there was a person walking towards you, but I bet you would if that person could give you cancer. 
  2. Number two, don’t go to places where UVB rays hang out, like the beach, the places with lots of light-up beds, or that Kroger on 26th Street. This is just common sense, people. 
  3. Finally, don’t borrow money from a UVB ray. I know, they seem like a good guy willing to give you a chance, and they have competitive rates, but what if you can’t pay him back? He’s going to have to come to you to get it, and you can’t just say “go away, UVB ray,” because then he can say “I’m not going to go away until you give me back my money!” and you’ll say “but I don’t want you to give me cancer” and he’ll just say “well you shouldn’t have borrowed money that you can’t pay back—maybe it serves you right to get skin cancer” and then you won’t say anything because how can you argue with that? 
  4. Last, and most importantly, always wear sunglasses. UVB rays hate sunglasses. They bounce right off them. They can still get at you from behind, but if they come at you from the front, you can just deflect them away with your sunglasses. The downside to this is that sometimes it’s night time, so it might make sense to also always carry a flashlight.


I hope you have found this helpful. As we have seen, UVB rays are really bad dudes who will hurt you if they get the chance. Do not give them that chance. No one wants to be one of the 9,000 Americans—and countless foreigners—who die each and every year of a preventable disease of the skin.

Hopefully, someday science will discover a way for us to live without UVB rays, or possibly without skin. I feel like the latter is more likely because UVB rays are really small, and it would be hard to catch them all, but science is doing amazing things in the realms of making people live without skin. However, having no skin is disgusting, and we’d have to wear lots of clothes and masks all the time.

Thank you.

Edited by Carolyn "Don't Ever Let Me Get A Beagle" Abram

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